Fun Times in Claremont

Nothing like incredible heat and two daily doses of serious bodily harm to make you feel special.  You gotta love camp.

My first real bust

So my fellow ranger Tim and I went to the sand caves today to look for trespassers.  The sand caves are beautiful and an awesome place to hike, but they are dangerous and the ecosystem there is extremely fragile.  Also, their most common visitors are teenagers looking to drink, get high, and grafiti in a secluded place.  As a result, they are off limits to the public.  Of course, that only inspires more people to try to climb up to them.  So Tim and I went up there today to flush any kids out and establish our presence there.  Sure enough, while taking a break about halfway up the illegal trail, we encountered two teenagers each with a sixpack of miller light.  We politely informed them that they were illegally trespassing, and after a quick "sorry bro" they turned around and fled back the way they had come.  Tim and I then continued up the the caves.  There was no one there, but Tim was sure that on a Friday afternoon there would be more visitors so we settled down at the top of the cliff where we could see all the illegal trails and waited.  Sure enough, after a few minutes passed by we heard bushes rustling behind us near the "backway" to the sand caves.  Tim and I grabbed our pruning shears and held them menacingly as we crept towards the noise so we wouldn't scare them away before we could get close enough to really screw with them.  We heard them getting closer and closer and on Tim's signal we both stepped out from behind a bend in the trail.  We were almost as surprised as the kids were because they were the same kids we had just kicked out ten minutes ago.  Everybody just kind of stood there for a minute and then, simultaneously, Tim stepped up and put a hand on the first kid's shoulder and the second kid took off like a deer back down the trail.  We're technically not allowed to restrain anyone or even give them a fine, but Tim did one of the funniest things I've ever seen.  He told the first kid to put down his beer and sit down in the middle of the trail.  Then he pulled out his radio and quickly clicked and released the talk button so that it would beep.  This way, the kid (and for a second me) would think he was actually talking to someone when in reality he was talking to a turned off radio.  Then Tim said "Sheriff dispatch district four, we have two trespassers in the San Elijo Lagoon.  Both are male, approximately 17 years old.  One is wearing a black striped shirt and a black hat, the other is wearing a white shirt and a green hat.  The second one is currently fleeing the scene, probably headed towards Rios.  I have the first one restrained.  Please send a couple of squad cars to pursue and arrest."  Then he clicked the radio button again as if he were ending his transmission.  At this point the kid sitting in the dirt at Tim's feet looks like he's about to piss himself and Tim is trying valiantly not to laugh.  Then he turns to me and says "Did you happen to bring zip ties?".  And as he's turning back to the kid the kid rolls over, hops up, and takes off at a dead sprint down the side of the hill, not even on the trail.  We watched gleefully as he ran right through a grove of poison oak all the way down to the trail and turned left.  Then Tim yelled "the sheriff is over there, don't go left!" and the kid skidded to a halt and ran back the other way, presumably the direction opposite that of his parked car.

   So, after that successful prank we were rewarded with a sixpack of beer ... which we had to turn over to the county :(

There's a new sheriff in town

Actually I'm just a ranger.  Well, technically I'm just a park attendant.  But to the untrained eye I look like a ranger.  Anyway, I still get to walk around and give people pieces of paper with "WARNING" written at the top.  We like to call them citations even though their recipients are under no obligation to pay a fine, stay out of the lagoon, or respond to them in any way.  While I'm not being menacing out on the trails, I spend most of my time feeding poisonous animals, cleaning bathrooms, and explaining to tiny children that lizards are not "land-fish" and that I don't actually carry a gun or any weapon other than the occasional pair of pruning shears.  Other than the fact that I work Friday through Monday from 7:00AM to 5:30PM this job is awesome.

PFT

PR of 294. maxed out pullups and situps and ran a 18:54 3 mile, a whole minute faster than the PFT i ran 4 weeks ago. and Ive been lifting this whole quarter, not running!

Memorial Day Morning

the night before memorial day monday. so early morning. like 0dark30 morning, the party was still raging. in celebration of my friends bday we got cake and tons of alcohol. and we've still got 2 5L things of wine, 4 32oz. beers, and 2 30 racks, and a good amount of bottled stuff in the fridge. poor timing with finals coming up. but someones gotta finish it. also my jackass friend punched the window and broke it, and bled everywhere... the poor managers

My roommate

Is a pure 100% untainted jackass. a few weeks ago he left the stove on once while boiling water. which was fine, it only slightly scorched the MY pot. but he did it again today. with pasta in the pot. and him and i left for drill. leaving James, the smarter of my 2 roommates sleeping in our apartment, whose smoke alarm does not work btw cuz the unnamed jackass disabled that. so james wakes up with an apartment full of smoke, no alarm going off, a pot of pasta on fire. list of things ruined: 2 couches 2 speakers 1 pot 1 plate 1 bowl 1 cup i thought people in college were intelligent. i thought i was unintelligent! im worried.

Thrift store

check fb for a great find. and i got a tommy bahama shirt for 12 bucks and then went to Men's warehouse for some super fancy clothes. mom's gonna be sad she can't send me off to a formal looking all handsome (a sorority's formal this sunday, got myself invited after 1 meeting with this girl, very cute, and Chinese! mother would be super proud). prepare for pics later next week.

Finals

Does anyone else think it's kind of backwards that you have to take finals at the end of the year when you're burned out and tired of school?  They wouldn't be nearly as frustrating if I took them at the beginning of the year when I'm fresh.

Classmates

SCREW THEM! not in the literal way. in the way that i destroyed them all on my most recent exams in o-chem and physics and am now celebrating by seeing a midnight showing of the avengers on thursday

Walk of glory.

On monday, I was doing the quarterly counseling with my major. the army's major happens to walk in and say "We need three-four guys for as dates this friday." My maj says "well faix here is a good guy, and he can grab 3 others for you." and SSgt proceeds to threaten me that if im not on my best behavior i'll die and that he will be at the army ball watching us. empty threats. Friday, myself, Amis (who unfortunately was not set up with a date), and 3 of the cutest freshmen i could find rendezvoused at the assembly area, then head out to the army ball with mints in hand in our sexy chokers. our orders from the army major were to talk to the girls and dance. and that we did. amongst the dark army uniforms, 5 guys in chokers really stands out, it was a wonderful thing. after the wonderful meal, the dancing started. we carried out our orders in good faith and for a while, it was us 5 NROTC guys dancing, alone and unafraid. after 10 min the army slowly warmed up the guys dominating their party and it got going good. then we went to an army guys apartment south of wilsire and in the morning i had to walk across westwod. it took the same amount of time for ryan to drive up from irvine and then i gave him a tour of UCLA with his family and we got bbq chicken for lunch. end. o-chem time can't waste any more precious seconds.

Just the tip

My friend and suitemate Alex sawed off the end of his finger yesterday.  Apparently he missed the bone and only removed the fleshy part so I guess it's not that cool.  But still, I heard the blood splatter was awesome!

Awards ceremony

also i got 450 dollars for being in drill haha, one of 2 people selected for being super motivated, which everyone knows im not

Party!

was crashed by cops kinda.... they stopped by, took my ID gave me a warning to turn down music and keep it down. and that if they come to my place again im going to jail....YIKES! will be more careful. but its silly cuz when we had parties in the past we threw things in the pool next door. and that pissed them off so they called the cops this time... i guess we wont party at my apartment for the rest of the quarter... the people in our building dont even complain about the noise we make! crazy ass lady across the alley needs to mind her business.

SALAD!

I've been watching TEDTalks on food and got freaked the hell out so i made myself a salad. good thing im going down to pendleton today to eat MREs, the most processed food known to man-kind...

Keenan's Advice

Me: I need to learn how to take off my shirt

Keenan: Its like taking off your shirt for a shower only you will not take a shower

1st weekend of spring quarter

was awesome.
friday night- had a younger midn wetdown for a recently graduated person
saturday night - had a bigger better more chicks involved party with older people for the same graduated person. with wine, sake, tequila, beer, and champagne all being consumed and even more great unspoken adventures.

Extra Spring Ball

Because free time is for the soft.

Also, my friend Nick (the starting strong safety) won't be able to practice all spring.  Why?  Because he drunkenly challenged my friend Peter (tight end) to a fight where each person was wearing one MMA glove.  Of course, he got his ass beat by the bigger, more athletic Peter.  Attempting to avoid being killed he started backing up, stepped back awkwardly on some stairs, and broke his foot.

More Madness!

http://vimeo.com/39091174

roommates

decided the WATER boiler was good for boiling milk...
have decided that not washing dishes is the best call, because rotting vegetables in the sink is appetizing
and on top of that i was forced into eating cereal out of a cup with a fork b/c they didnt clean shit up.

Spring Break!

Going back to SD to lay in the sun ... and get a background check (so I can work for the Department of Parks and Rec).